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PART 1: RAISED BY SPIRIT GUIDES
Chapter 1: First Contact – The Merry-Go-Round Dream
While I became aware of my guides at a very young age, I did not always know who they were. I was introduced to them in a remarkable life-destiny dream that set the stage for my entire life. It showed me who I am, why I’m here, and that I am guided. That repetitive dream played out night after night and year after year and is the first memory I have. The dream started around the age of two and continued until my mid-thirties. In all those years it never changed. It showed me my purpose, people’s intentions, and their reactions to a world to come. That was also my first contact when I met my old friends…my spirit guides.
I call it The Merry-Go-Round Dream.
The Merry-Go-Round Dream
In the dream, I’m about seven years old, and I am on a merry-go-round that is mounted to the top of the inside of a gold-domed ceiling painted in renaissance designs like a cathedral. It was a centuries-old, rich architectural masterpiece. I am about 75-to-100 feet above the floor riding this merry-go-round, holding on single-handedly while leaning back in total joy as the merry-go-round speeds up, going faster and faster until I feel like I’m flying. Life just doesn’t get better than this!
I am having so much fun, as “everyone I know in the whole wide world” is riding on this merry-go-round with me. As it speeds up, the other people start to get scared. Then, one by one, they begin giving up and letting go. I see them fly off the merry-go-round hitting the side walls of the domed ceiling, blood splattering everywhere. It is gruesome as they scream to their deaths in utter terror. I am in total shock as I watch each one of these people become fearful, then let go and die.
I don’t understand why they are afraid and why they can’t see how great this ride is. To me, it’s the most exciting feeling and a freedom that surpasses anything. This feeling gets interrupted when I see everyone fearful, letting go and dying. I’m always the only one left on this merry-go-round.
Over time, I came to understand how that dream was showing me the theme for my life. It showed me that my experiences in this life would be very different from those of other people – sometimes the exact opposite. It was that single repetitive dream that made me realize that more was going on than anyone was telling me, or that they understood themselves.
In the beginning, I loved having that dream. However, as it persisted, the suffering of the people started dominating it. I was having the dream three to four times a night, and it got so I dreaded going to sleep. I tried to stop the dream or change it because I couldn’t bear the part where everyone else got scared and died. It was horrible to see and hear. Since I couldn’t stop it or change it, I starting asking “Why? Why me? Why are you showing me this over and over again?” I didn’t know who I was asking, but I hoped someone was listening.
As the dream persisted, I became more and more determined to understand it. Even at a young age, I knew it was showing me what I was to experience in this lifetime. I saw that people would be reacting negatively to what was really a good thing. I understood I would need to help the ones who could be reached.
Although I could not see the entire meaning at the time, the dream left me with a very different way of looking at things. I was able to clearly see through the intentions of people without their ever knowing it. From what I experienced in that dream, I realized several things: many or maybe most people were naturally fear-based, they didn’t really have a strong will to live, they didn’t want things to change and speed up, many people weren’t going to reach their desired destinies, and I wasn’t going to be able to change their reaction to that.
The most horrifying part of that dream was that those people died with so much fear. I was not able to convince those on the ride with me that this was a good thing. They couldn’t see that this could be the best time of their lives as we all ride through it together. I was haunted with the challenge of finding a way to reach them. I became aware that that was my job.
The message of that dream was my spirit guide angels showing me how people’s fear turned into pain, and that to get out of pain, they must first get out of fear. It was fear that set it all into motion. The fear stopped the people in the dream from experiencing new things and believing in themselves. My angels showed me in the dream what would become the biggest tragedy of our times. This tragedy is that most people will die having lived fear-based lives.
The dream always left me feeling disappointed because I wanted all my fellow riders to enjoy this amazing life as much as I did. I was really excited to be here. It was a very sad feeling to be the only one who knew what a remarkable life this is. The other people in the dream who didn’t understand this made being here in this life hard when it didn’t need to be that way. It was as if I was the only happy, enthusiastic person on the planet.
As I saw that, I realized I was missing something very important, that what I knew from somewhere else didn’t exist here: I missed where I came from. These clues about what was really happening in this life led me to spend most of my time alone and keep my thoughts to myself. I became an observer of others while letting them think that they had all the answers. The longing to find that elusive part that was missing consumed me. I experienced a deep loneliness that couldn’t even begin to be fulfilled by anyone here in this life.
That dream shocked me into remembering what I knew before I got here and why I was here. I was not interested in the self-defeating, life-draining examples that were all around me at home and in society. They reflected a horrifying interpretation of this life. I was definitely alone in this awareness. I had a memory of a time before coming into this life. I remembered the exciting feeling about how I could do anything once I got here. That’s what it feels like before we get here. It’s like an urge we cannot resist. This urge is so powerful that we are blinded to the reality of actually being here.
The source of the soul’s urge is so pure that it doesn’t consider the folly of mankind when breaking through from the other side into this world. This is how it really is before we get here before we are assigned our amnesia and forget.
But I remembered. And remembering is what made me different right from the start. It also opened the way for me to accept my guidance. But remembering also put me at risk because those who didn’t remember would think I was crazy or a threat or something else that might harm them, and my spirit guides knew that. I began to realize what a hostile place this world really could be. It was such a disappointment!
In order to live out the urge that brought me here, to come into this life, I realized I would have to go it alone. I also knew I would need solitary time to explore it. Having sorted out the people around me and becoming aware of what not to say, I realized that acting like a clueless kid and doing what they wanted me to do was all that was needed to fly under the radar. Doing that, I felt like an impostor when, in fact, with my awareness of the greater reality, I knew I was the authentic one. I also realized that nothing was wrong with me; it was those who branded me as wrong who didn’t get it.
What I was experiencing and learning was normal, not paranormal. With the majority of the confusion and disappointments now behind me, I became much more accessible to the magic that was mine all along.
This was how the dream put me in touch with my true essence, and from that place, I could fearlessly enjoy my secret freedoms and the reawakened excitement of being here in this life. The dream made me see what I needed to understand in order to navigate through this life. It trained me to be detached at a very early age and see things for what they really are. It showed me a future where things would be speeding up and how people would react. Again, it showed me that it would be very hard to reach these people.
How could a preschool child learn all this, let alone comprehend it? I knew I had help. But who was it coming from?
These realizations came through very clearly. It was from “remembering,” or “never forgetting,” or both, that would enable me to achieve what I came here to do. All this was breaking my heart because I was longing for something that wasn’t here. I had answers I couldn’t explain; they were just there for me to decide if, how, and when to apply them. These answers were only good for me because I was too young to articulate them. Even if I could, there was no one to explore them with whom I could relate to. I was on my own. Or was I?
It was getting so my curiosity about who was helping me became bigger than the “why.” At times the dream felt like a curse because it wouldn’t stop. However, it was this dream that awakened and transformed me right from the start.
I came to realize that the merry-go round dream represented the wheel of life – the karmic cycle of what is learned in other lifetimes, and being with others who had been in those lifetimes with me. You would think that having such an advantage of knowing these things at an early age would be a great thing. I can tell you firsthand, it was just as confusing and painful as it was an advantage.
The hardest part was thinking I was alone in this awareness. Here I was having all these exciting experiences, and I had no one to share them with. I felt disappointment most of the time with regard to other people. It was as if they were living in a different reality, or I was. Little did I know that this relentless longing was the magnet, the beacon that attracted my real friends, those who stayed behind, my life coaches…my guides.
Many of the disciplines that made up my training as a young child are typically learned in the adult years if they are learned at all. Of course, I did not know that at the time. What I learned also made me an outcast throughout my childhood. That was not such a bad thing because it allowed me to think for myself and have the quiet time to detect the clear messages that came from my most trusted advisors. And when they showed up, they brought with them that familiar love I was longing for.
Since the merry-go-round dream kept recurring and I couldn’t stop it, I resigned myself to the fact that my only choice was to experiment with it, so I let it teach me. I learned to become lucid while in the dream on the chance I might change something. When that failed, I tried avoiding the dream. I set my alarm to go off every hour to wake myself up before the dream started. Nothing worked.
In the midst of all of this – the dream and the alone time – I began to see I wasn’t alone; I was being guided by someone. I was being trained to see, but not in the typical sense. I started seeing things out of my peripheral vision that would disappear if I looked at them straight on. It didn’t make sense, but it was real. That taught me to not over-analyze everything. I learned to focus, but not to expect to see any particular thing. That opened me up to seeing the unexpected. As a result, I was able to see and focus in two different ways. I was seeing two different worlds at the same time.
I practiced with this in the simplest ways. Nothing seemed out of reach as I played with it. From practicing this, I also learned to discern what people were really saying without their actually saying it. I could read their true intentions. The only requirement was a safe, alone place to experiment. Getting interrupted would stop it cold every time, especially in the beginning.
TIP: This is how it feels in the beginning – when you know that something more is going on but you can’t put your finger on it yet. Just leave your mind open to what you don’t know. Don’t over-think any of it.
Learning to focus and see from both a linear as well as a nonlinear perspective encouraged me to try other things over the years. I would hold my breath to manifest things. This allowed me to see through my mind’s eye. When holding my breath and then exhaling, two things would happen. One, this practice would release stress, and two, it would allow me to cause things to happen that were normally impossible from a linear approach. For example, from this focus, I could make people say certain things, forget what they were about to say, not see what was right before them, not remember what just happened, etc. They were training me to manifest through the breath.
I never talked about doing any of these things. I knew that if I told anyone, it would invite unnecessary confrontation that would interfere with my experiments. Although I kept expanding myself, I still managed to “act normal,” not bringing attention to my real self. Life was boring for me most of the time as it was always filled up with a lot of unnecessary drama. I just wasn’t interested in the mundane things that were the norm for everyone else. My approach was to let them think they knew what was best and leave it at that. That kept them from feeling inclined to force their beliefs onto me, which would be a complete waste of my time and distract me from more interesting things I was experimenting with. I was learning to live in two worlds.
From that merry-go-round dream, I learned how to manage my life and really get to know myself. Once I surrendered to that, other amazing skills showed up. Without thinking about it or analyzing it, these hidden parts of me just came to life. Learning the way I did was both endless and effortless because I had help – their help!
That merry-go-round dream taught me to be a self-thinker and figure out the dilemmas I was facing – with the training I received from my guides. They taught me not to fight a challenge, not to run from it. It helped me see that if you are faced with the unavoidable, the only way to benefit from it is to embrace it. Let it teach you because it’s there for an important reason.
My guides also taught me that what we have to learn may not be easy. That’s especially the case with the truth. This all started through the intelligent language of a dream, the self-discovery it provided, and the introduction to my old friends. Little did I know how important all of this early training would be in the future.