To say that my mother was a cruel and hurtful bully is an understatement.
She was nasty to everyone, not just me. She bullied and ordered everyone around like they were her servants. It was embarrassing to be around her in public. Additionally, she was a drama queen who fabricated wild stories to cover up her shameful past. Hearing her talk was sad; I knew she was lying and even believing her own lies. I perceived that she did these things in an attempt to feel powerful over the damage that was done to her growing up. It was a feeling like – she was getting even.
I always knew something was wrong with my mother but no one in the family could or would dare face her.
That’s what gave her the free pass when it came to abusing me. Having tested the water, so to speak, she had free reign to take her abusive tactics to new highs with me and that’s what she did.
Although I knew I couldn’t run away from any of this, I was imagining ways of getting out. This relentless family dysfunction was really wearing me down. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and now I was numb all of the time. This was my way of holding my ground and keeping myself steady so I wouldn’t get caught off-guard. This is also when I started writing in my journal. It helped me see what was really going on all around me, at home and school, while understanding the timely guidance I was always receiving from my Spirit Guides and Angels. But life was getting even more repressive as my mom turned up the torment.
I was hanging on by a thread.
Looking back on all of this abuse it’s shocking that no one stepped in to stop her, not even the hospital where I was admitted in 1963 when I took a bottle of my mother’s pills in a suicide attempt. There was absolutely nowhere for me to turn except my Spirit Guides.
“Life will get better for you as you get older if you can make it through childhood.” This prophecy – a prediction and warning I received from my Spirit Guide Angels from the beginning of my life was about to take place. My mom was getting more intense with her mental and physical abuse, no one would stop her, and I was worn out. I was 11 years old with puberty kicking in, which added to my inner turmoil. My Spirit Guides had their hands full with what was coming next. Would I make it through childhood and put this prediction and warning behind me? The time had come to find out. To me, it was a relief because no matter how it played out things were going to finally change in a radical way.