GUIDED, Chapter 8: The Day I Got Out Alive

No longer a prisoner of my childhood…

The first thing I experienced is that I could breathe, really breathe! Once I started breathing I couldn’t stop. It was similar to someone who has panic attacks. Until this unexpectedly happened I didn’t even realize I had been holding my breath. I had been holding my breath my entire life.

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The next shocking thing that happened was that I no longer wet the bed.

That’s right, you heard that right, I was still wetting the bed at 16 years old. I didn’t do anything differently, it stopped the very first night I was out of that toxic childhood environment and it never happened again. Decades later, I learned that bedwetting represents fear of the dominant parent. That described my mother – no wonder I couldn’t stop it while under her thumb.

Although I lived through an abusive childhood until I got out I didn’t see how horrific it really was.

This realization came flooding through so fast that I felt my entire body changing physically. It was unexpected, and the first time I ever experienced anything like that. This total release was solid evidence of just how terrible that childhood was. I was shocked by the realization of just how destructive my mother really was, along with my family who supported her.

I couldn’t believe I got out alive.

It felt like I had just got out of prison, even though I had never been in an actual prison. I could literally feel my insides physically changing as I started to feel openly good for the first time in my life. I didn’t have to hide my real self anymore or feel like I had to walk on eggshells while constantly having to out think my captor. For the first time in my life, I could say what I thought and felt. Suddenly realizing all of this, I was bewildered by the fact that no one ever intervened – stopping her from constantly abusing me? It was all of these realizations that made me pull away from the entire family at the tender age of 16.

I was finally in the “Life will get better for you as you get older…” part of my life. This was the part my Spirit Guides prophesized would happen “if I could make it through childhood.” Until I got out with my life, I only vaguely imagined what it would be like once my childhood was finally behind me. I never actually realized how good it would feel once I was out of that repressive situation. It was so much better than I ever dared to imagine. Gratitude was the primary feeling that carried me forward now. It was this enormous amount of gratitude I had that made every single day better than the day before. I was assured by my Spirit Guides that nothing in my life would ever be that bad again and they have been right. I was grateful, right down to the depth of my soul with an even deeper connection to my real family, my Spirit Guides and Angels. Without them I wouldn’t have made it, without them I wouldn’t have wanted to.

Guided is my true life story of how I mastered living in two worlds at the same time

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Guided by Linda Deir