No longer a prisoner of my childhood…
The first thing I experienced is that I could breathe, really breathe! Once I started breathing I couldn’t stop. It was similar to someone who has panic attacks. Until this unexpectedly happened I didn’t even realize I had been holding my breath. I had been holding my breath my entire life.
The next shocking thing that happened was that I no longer wet the bed.
That’s right, you heard that right, I was still wetting the bed at 16 years old. I didn’t do anything differently, it stopped very first night I was out of that toxic childhood environment and it never happened again. Decades later, I learned that bedwetting represents fear of the dominant parent. That described my mother – no wonder I couldn’t stop it while under her thumb.
Although I lived through an abusive childhood until I got out did I see how horrific it really was.
This realization came flooding through so fast that I felt my entire body changing physically. It was unexpected, and the first time I ever experienced anything like that. This total release was solid evidence of just how terrible that childhood was. I was shocked by the realization of just how destructive my mother really was, along with my family who supported her.
I couldn’t believe I got out alive.
It felt like I had just got out of prison, even though I had never been in an actual prison. I could literally feel my insides physically changing as I started to feel openly good for the first time in my life. I didn’t have to hide my real self anymore or feel like I had to walk on eggshells while constantly having to out think my captor. For the first time in my life, I could say what I thought and felt. Suddenly realizing all of this, I was bewildered by the fact that no one ever intervened – stopping her from constantly abusing me? It was all of these realizations that made me pull away from the entire family at the tender age of 16.
I was finally in the “Life will get better for you as you get older…” part of my life. This was the part my Guides prophesized would happen “if I could make it through childhood.” Until I got out with my life, I only vaguely imagined what it would be like once my childhood was finally behind me. I never actually realized how good it would feel once I was out of that repressive situation. It was so much better than I ever dared to imagine. Gratitude was the primary feeling that carried me forward now. It was this enormous amount of gratitude I had that made every single day better than the day before. I was assured by my Guides that nothing in my life would ever be that bad again and they have been right. I was grateful, right down to the depth of my soul with an even deeper connection to my real family, my Spirit Guides and Angels. Without them I wouldn’t have made it, without them I wouldn’t have wanted to.
Guided is my true life story of how I mastered living in two worlds at the same time. This resulted in higher learning, influenced by my Spirit Guides and Angels, that provided powerful ways to solve life’s problems while discovering who I was.
Reflections on GUIDED is an addendum to my best-selling autobiography, GUIDED – WINNER of the 2017 Body/Mind/Spirit Int’l Book Award. These reflections are answers to the many questions received from the thousands of fans of my story. As I reflected back on what I wrote, even I was astounded by the revelations I experienced, reliving my life again.