My Guided Journey series, #14 of 18.
The Search Begins – spurred from a deep emptiness.
In My Guided Journey, the companion journal to Guided, Part Two, Page 14. I talk about, The Search Begins – spurred from a deep emptiness.
Well into your teens, the void had become haunting, imagining the worst while holding onto some distant hope. Your longing is so strong for this love to return that you search everywhere “out there” to find it. Your anxiety separated you from the love – from us. So let’s get started…
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When the fear returned it brought urgent attention to the loneliness that had gone on for far too long. This awareness caused you to pause, becoming quiet and observant. You could no longer go about doing things the way you used to. Those were old worn out experiences and if you continued doing that you would be living a lie. The only thing it had to offer was predictability. While contemplating this, you even asked yourself why that wasn’t good enough for you, after all, everyone else seemed to be going along with it just fine. This amplified the loneliness even more, guiding you to search for what was missing.
You didn’t put much more energy into wondering why everyone else was so content in their mediocrity.
Your inner guidance, that used to be so familiar to you had returned and took you on this journey of reconnecting with your real self once again. The real self that you largely left behind long ago. This is what you have been longing for. Feelings of emptiness that dominated your life for so long pointed you to make a needed course correction, a reconnection to yourself, and to us.
You realized that you were not like the other kids, you remembered something that you couldn’t explain. But this wasn’t the first time you recognized this, it’s just that this longing had gotten to a point where you could no longer go on without fulfilling it. The search had begun. This is when you started writing your thoughts and questions in your journal. Doing this was the fast track to understanding what was really going on inside of you. For those of you who did this your search to fill the void was easier.
Alone time no longer felt lonely to you.
It was now valued time to do the writing that revealed your inner truth. This practice is what brought you back, as you nurtured your real self back into existence. The by-product was that you were learning to live in two worlds, the one you came from and this one. You never told anyone what you were doing because that’s what got you off track in the first place, so long ago. Doing this journal writing is what stopped the inner torment, that nagging anxiety that constantly reminded you how separate you had become from your real self and from us. By the way, even though this was not a pleasant feeling it was guidance pointing you in the direction of self-discovery and personal transformation. This is when you started loving yourself – when what you did wasn’t dependent upon what others may have said or thought about you. It’s not that you didn’t care, it’s that you had learned to care about yourself independent of others needing to do that for you.
You were finally getting to know who you really were. This was profound and not something you would ever attempt to explain to anyone else. Before you realized all of this, it was a never-ending problem because what you were suffering from and felt was missing didn’t seem to be affecting anyone else. What was really happening is that both worlds were activated, which required a whole new way of functioning. Things were no longer as simplistic as they used to be when your world was just black and white, good or bad, and right or wrong. It was far more advanced and expansive than just living in that one world. You were on a journey of seeing things for what they really were, your part in it, free of fear and doubt. ~Linda Deir