I take you back to the time in your pre-teens when you felt your life was dominated by compromise. That’s when a quiet desperation took over. For the first time in your life, you felt something was missing – that you weren’t good enough! This was when your struggle began. Your life became hard and competitive. You took everything personally. We watched you get lost. So let’s get started…
Most, or all, of your friends, only came around when they wanted something from you. They were self-serving and didn’t make you feel appreciated. Everyone was competitive with little time to be a real friend. In fact, just when you thought you could trust a friend they would turn on you.
At this point in your life, you were seasoned in the friendship arena.
You started out with the best friends, and ever since that time we had together, you have been expecting friendships to be that easy to have. This is the core reason you were so disappointed with friendships here in this world. Something has always been missing. But where did you acquire this comparison? Well, that’s how you knew for sure, what actually happened was real. You missed the world you came from, the part of you that you thought you had to leave behind.
Upon realizing this for yourself, at this time in your life, will you begin to recall the first compromises you made. It’s not something that anyone noticed then because everyone was doing it. Looking back, you can see they all drank the same Kool-Aid of following the leader like you did. When you look back and see it for what it was, and not what you made it into, the spontaneous feeling that you experienced then will rush through you, when you still knew the difference between what you made up and the truth. It’s in this realization that you will see where you started to compromise your integrity, as well as lowering your personal standards by mindlessly going along with the crowd.
You felt disconnected from everything now.
You let “it” go, long ago, and have been searching for “it” ever since. This longing for what’s been missing in your life wears you down. Even if you are fortunate enough to be a natural athlete, performer, speaker, writer, artist, or musician, in this world, you still felt that void. In fact, many times these same people, in their desperate attempt to fill the void, become great talents who share their brilliance for the world to admire!
Are you seeing the compounding effect, of all your previous decisions that you unwittingly made? It’s time to reflect on these life-changing decisions that happened long before you were equipped to make them. Using this renewed awareness, review what you wrote in Part Two of My Guided Journey so far. In fact, because of this awareness, you may find yourself re-writing some of it because you are remembering more. ~Linda Deir
My Guided Journey, the companion journal to Guided, Part Two, Chapter 12.