You felt a silent void, one that made you feel sad and alone. I will take you back to the time in your young life when you reached a crossroads. You were the only one who remembered us. This was the first time you felt totally alone.
Now, you second-guessed yourself all the time. You questioned yourself and even us.
Fear and doubt were interrupting every thought and activity in your life. You felt something slipping away and no matter what you did you couldn’t hold onto it. You did not want our time together to end. It felt like none of this mattered to those around you and that seemed to be just fine with them. That is what made this loss feel even worse and the loneliness more intense.
You were giving something up, leaving it behind, and even pretending it never existed.
You were feeling separate from something you couldn’t even explain. You were processing the idea that by letting go of your connection to us you were no longer a baby because you were growing out of that imaginary time in your life. That was the message you got from everyone in this world, like a rite of passage.
Forcing yourself to push us away made you feel weak and needy. This separation made you feel lost for the first time since your arrival here. Now, all you had WAS this world. It felt like you just got dropped off and left to fend for yourself. You not only felt lonely, but it felt like a combination of separation and abandonment, all rolled up into one. This instantly filled you up with fear and doubt because now a part of you was missing.
What happened to those who believed in you? Those who always showed you new things as you explored and played in their presence? Your best friends were gone.
Now, you had to make new friends here in this world, but it was never the same as the best friends you left behind.
Learning was never as much fun because now you were being told what to do and think. This was a stark difference between the way you used to learn and do things. It would take you some time to adjust to this very different way of doing things. In your longing for what was missing, you would always imagine finding best friends like us again.
This crossroads time in your life felt like you had a foot in both worlds, but the one you came from was being pulled away like a tide going out to sea. It seemed to have a life of its own as it slipped away. The stigmas associated with maintaining a foothold in both worlds would cause others to label you as an oddball. The need to fit in is what caused you to choose one way or the other in the first place. Ever since you pushed us away you felt a silent void amplifying your concern about what others thought or said about you. Fear and self-doubt began to dominate your life.
Not only was this a sad and lonely time for you, but it was also the first time you felt completely alone. Although you had hit this massive crossroads in your young life, no one else noticed it. The void inside you would remain for many years to come. No matter how hard you looked, no one in this world would ever be able to fill it. This is how you would find us again. ~Linda Deir
My Guided Journey, the companion journal to Guided, Part Two, Chapter 9.