I talk about Separation – when you felt really sad and alone. I take you back to a time in your young life when you felt a deep separation. This feeling is equivalent to what an adult would describe as depression. You were told what to do and how to think. You were expected to act a certain way and believe the same things everyone else did. You did what it took to fit in, be liked, and accepted, forgetting who you were and why you are here. You vaguely remembered our time together. So let’s get started…
Having gone through your rebellion stage when you felt an even deeper void and separation from us, you were now compromising by trying to fit in and complying. You were no longer standing your ground. This made you feel unsure of yourself because you had sacrificed who you really were in favor of going along with the status quo. This decision made you nervous and unsure of yourself. You not only forgot who you were, but you also forgot us.
No matter how much you tried, you still did not completely fit in.
You wanted to be liked by everyone. You did everything just like you were told to do so you could get those good grades and popular friends. But no matter how well you performed or how nice you were, the kids still challenged you. You weren’t liked by everyone and you didn’t always get great grades. The kids you wanted to like you already had their friends and you weren’t one of them.
Perplexed, you hung out with the kids who liked you and not the ones you wanted as friends. This was the right decision, however, that decision would forever label you like the kids you hung out with. The kids who wanted to be your friend may not have been the popular kids but were more like you at that time in your life. Experiencing this, you were disappointed because you wanted to be liked by everyone. After all, this was the reason you compromised so much in the first place, giving up what we had. You became a joke to the kids you wanted to like you. This is what made you feel desperately sad and alone. You wanted what you couldn’t have. You were embarrassed because you were rejected and that made you feel foolish because the only friends who wanted to be your friends weren’t the ones you wanted.
This would set the stage for your entire life.
Would you always want what you couldn’t have? … or would you see the wisdom in appreciating what it is you do have? What you wanted were not real friends, they were socialites who were status driven. Only later in your life would you realize how unfulfilling that would have been. But at this point in your life, you were just confused.
You were missing your connection to us more than ever. The void you felt inside yourself was what you were trying to fill and confused it with chasing superficial desires. Ever since you pushed us away you expected to replace our friendship, which made you feel loved and accepted, as effortlessly as you found us. In other words, you expected that what we had could be found in this world without much effort at all. That was the big shocker. How could something that came so easy be so hard to find here in this world?
This is another one of those moments in your life that you would reflect upon in the years to come. You would learn that love finds you and not the other way around. You would experience many identity crises attempting to bring you back to clarity. At this sad and confusing time in your life, you would have the opportunity to recognize your ego-driven desires and appreciate the friends who want to be your friends. However, no friendship would ever match the friendship we had. ~Linda Deir
My Guided Journey, the companion journal to Guided, Part Two, Chapter 11.