I take you back to the time in your young life when you became cautious – you were pressured to choose between worlds. Always being pressured to tell others who we were – you withdrew. At this point, you knew you were knowing more than anyone wanted you to, or that you could explain yourself. Your relationship with us was changing. So let’s get started…
What mattered to you didn’t matter to anyone else. Being pressured to choose one way or the other restricted you and didn’t feel right. This type of influence felt like an ultimatum, at times it even felt threatening. It all felt so wrong that all you could do was to retreat inside yourself. It was getting harder to live in two worlds. This was the first time you felt the full impact of feeling totally separate, separate from the world you came from, where “we” reside.
Having to choose made everything you did harder.
What you used to do in our time together that made the hours pass like minutes was dissipating. The pressure of having to be in just this world was now building and preventing you from experiencing the lucid adventures we shared together, the way it used to be when you lived in 2 worlds with ease. Despite this pressure to sober up from what others called your “dream world,” you still went there. For you, it was a knee-jerk reaction to let yourself go back to where it felt so natural to be you. It was irresistible. You weren’t finished. It had become more difficult for everyone when they not only asked you who you were talking to, but now they were telling you to stop.
No one understood anything about what you were experiencing, living in two worlds, and you couldn’t change that. This is what made you resort to becoming cautious. Now you really felt separate, separate from the people telling you what to do in this world, and losing your grip on the magical world you came from. You felt defeated in both worlds now.
You did a lot of thinking in this cautious time you spent alone. This would be the last time that we would be able to reach you for many years to come. However, you could not accept that. It was at this point in your life that you were being forced to “wake up” and “pay attention” to what was going on in this world, in fact, you were expected to. Compared to the magical time we spent together, this felt harsh. You rebelled and even shut down when the pressure was too great. This was supposed to be a time of adjustment for you to become more active in this world.
It wasn’t that this world was so bad, but that you were told to stop living in the other world entirely.
This is what made the adjustment unrealistic. To you, there was no choosing between one or the other, there was no separation. But you were being pressured to choose. This was a sad and lonely time for you.
Under this duress, you made decisions that would affect your entire life.
You were ill-equipped to make them with your limited experiences. You were pressured to decide. Either push away the world you came from and disconnect from the source or remained connected to yourself and us.
Disconnected: Consumed with fear and doubt …
- You were one of the majorities. Kids who respond to fear and threats.
- You blindly complied.
- You always sought outside validation.
Connected: What you gained from our time together …
- Your connection to us was stronger than any fear or doubt.
- You thought for yourself.
- You trusted yourself.
The first three are based on fear and doubt. The second three are what you learned from our time together. I was told throughout my childhood that “I didn’t get it.” This was just one of the consequences I experienced from being true to myself in childhood. The payoff showed up in my early adult life. I had mastered living in two worlds, which is what gave me the advantage. ~Linda Deir
My Guided Journey, the companion journal to Guided, Part Two, Chapter 8.