My Guided Journey series, #13 of 18.
My Guided Journey was a work-in-progress from 6/17 – 6-18 … before its publication in 8-18.
The Fear Returns – along with the disappointment.
In My Guided Journey, the companion journal to Guided, Part Two, Page 13. I talk about, The Fear Returns – along with the disappointment.
Moving into your early teens, you worried about everything now. You forgot what you learned with us. You forgot who you are. In your attempt to fill the void you sought friends. They disappointed you time and again. After what we had, you expected friendships to be easy. So let’s get started…
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You are really feeling the pressure intensify in everything you are doing. It’s been building up to this point and your life is not getting easier. In fact, you feel lonelier than you ever have before. You have friends and they are all feeling this same fear controlling them. They are fearful of not being liked, or pretty enough, or smart enough, or good enough. Everyone is facing these same insecurities which makes it even more devastating when the mean kids, the bullies aim their cruel attacks at you. To them, it’s funny to watch your ego struggle to match or outsmart theirs.
This is all just a test to see how healthy or unhealthy your ego really is.
How much have you allowed fear to control your life, and your connection to your real self and even us? When your ego is playing the dominant role in your life it takes everything personally preventing you from seeing what is really going on. Did your ego take over, making you feel even worse than you already did?
Admittedly, it’s a very challenging time in your life. It’s also a very powerful time in your life because your body was amped up with hormonal changes. This literally gave you a new identity. However, the decisions you made in your earlier years finally have the opportunity to come to life. Although this felt liberating, the path you chose was generated from those early decisions when you had little information to come to those conclusions.
An analogy would be, you have a new car that looks really good, but the engine is underpowered and not completely reliable. This is why you felt like you were faking it most of the time. You didn’t feel like you, not “the you” who you used to be before all these changes started, but the real you with this new identity. Imagine what this new identity would have felt like had you been fully present, with yourself intact, the real you who originally came here. That would be like the new car that looks good with an engine that’s powerful and reliable.
To the degree that you felt underpowered and ill-prepared when your new identity showed up, is a measurement of how separate you were from your real self and us.
These powerful feelings were guidance attempting to get your attention, so you could pivot and make a course correction. However, these changes also amped up your ego. It was like an inner war was going on jostling for position and dominance. This was the barrier that prevented your true self from participating in your life.
Your real self didn’t go anywhere, it remained in the same place you left it. It knows itself, it’s not fearful, and it’s there when you are ready. It’s not loud or pushy. You must reach for it to bring it back into your life, so your life starts working and you begin to fulfill your purpose here. Everything that happened up to this point, beneficial or not, determined how you would make these life-altering decisions that have carved out your life so far.
That real part of you, that you mostly left behind, is calm and truthful. It sees everything for what it is and not something you made up because of what you wanted to believe. Take a moment to feel the difference. This is how you will reconnect with your inner guidance. Write down what all this felt like in your early teens to identify what happened in order to free yourself from the fear that has controlled your life up to this point. ~Linda Deir