You Don’t Get to Pick Who Loves You | Linda Deir -author, speaker, transition coach, trainer

“Love is the big surprise.

What you desire, and what you think you want, versus what you get, are different. Why is this? It’s because most people are focused on an outcome, or a goal, rather than allowing themselves to be surprised.

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Linda Deir took this photograph of her Spirit Guide Angel when they appeared to her at Christmas time 1994About Linda's Weekly Guided Insights





How can you think about something you’ve never experienced and felt? You can imagine what it’s like to drive a Formula One race car at over 200 miles per hour but until you’ve actually done it can you feel the experience which would be way more than what you ever thought. This is the same with love.

You experienced unconditional love with us, your spiritual family before you came into this life and got your earthly amnesia. From the moment you got here you may or may not have felt love but you always desired it. This wanting or longing for the feeling of unconditional love is what eludes most people in their lives. They all want it, but when they think they’ve found it it’s a letdown, it’s not how they imagined it. Love required to compromise on their part to be in that relationship. Or, a lowering of their standards to be with someone who only got you excited. The excitement is normally short-lived and you are back to the longing for this distant love once again.

It’s this emptiness in your soul, along with remembering sub-consciously how love felt before you got here. Even though you can’t express it in words you know the feeling, longing for what you haven’t experienced yet.

We see each soul as being on an orbit circling around humanity.

You have your own path and orbit to follow. At one point during this journey that orbit intersects with another person’s orbit at exactly the right time and they are surprised. Surprised, because the other person didn’t seem to fit any of the criteria on their perfect love list. It’s the same as wanting to get a puppy or kitten and you have a certain breed in mind. It must be pure-bred and have the right papers, and be the right color and weight, and demeanor to order to be your puppy or kitten. Then, one day you wake up and discover a stray mutt lying on your porch and you fall in love. It’s the perfect dog or cat for you at this point in your life. You didn’t go looking for it. None of the qualities are on your list. It’s even easy to realize what it is about this animal that makes it the perfect one for you. So as people go through their lives with their list, their expectations, their perceived outcomes, they make many mistakes along the way trying to find someone who fits their list.

What is it that you love about yourself?

Do you even know? Have you given it any thought at all? Can you imagine that someone else would love those same things about you that you love about yourself? Chances are they would. That’s why you would be a perfect match. Both of you have evolved to the point where you know yourself, and love yourself, and ready to bring another person just like you into their life. You may be any age, you may have experienced many disastrous relationships but looking back you can see what went wrong. Did you have your “list” with you at all times, a list that you can’t even live up to yourself? Did you compromise and lower your standards to be with someone who had some of the things on your list but were lacking many important things that were not on the list?

So, just like you didn’t get to pick the stray who showed up at your door, your orbit will intersect with someone just like you, magically, when you least expect it.


  • You don’t get to pick who loves you.
  • You may have a long list of criteria for your perfect mate, but why haven’t you found one who matches your list?
  • In the end, love is the big surprise.   

How It Works: The part where the Spirit Guides asked, “what is it you love about yourself?”… is where the focus needs to be placed. Until you know that answer, relationships will be a series of lessons. The destination will always be love –  but you may be surprised how that happens. It begins with loving yourself. That’s the quality of love you will attract, without your consent, it’s a universal law. ~ Linda Deir

A mix of Spirituality and Unexpected Psychology … Linda Deir Transition Coach … guidance from “those” who know you best!